I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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