I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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