he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
be right there i have to get my cape
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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