I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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