Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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