Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
