FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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