i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
