Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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