You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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