I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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