I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
