youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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