so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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