tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
