I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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