Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
