Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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