Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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