I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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