he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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