peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
