Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
