dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
