I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you never un-have a 4some
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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