Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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