his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
