You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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