you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
