I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
