i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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