I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
