I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
