If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize