trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Randomize
