Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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