I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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