is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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