oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
