remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
