On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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