Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
