he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
