Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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