everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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