She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
