Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
