woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
