I think im going to throw up on grandma
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
