Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
