I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
