honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
