he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
