: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
