I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
