Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
