My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The air taste purple.
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