i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
