I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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