well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
