Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize