Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
