Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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