Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
