Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
