New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize