i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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