Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
