my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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