I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize