Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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