PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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