so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
