Welp...herpes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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