I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
