two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
