omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
