So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
