They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
