Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
