cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
