just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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