Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
