She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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