Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just gift wrapped bread.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
